Houseplants And Their F*cked-Up Thoughts by Carlyle Christoff & Elisabeth Saake

Spoiler alert in the subtitle: P.S., They Hate You.

Honestly, I’m not sure what to make of this book! It’s definitely in the vein of those cute coffee table humor books that are perfect for putting out and letting guests flip through, that I’ve previously lauded on the topics of art and birds. This volume turns its gimlet eye on houseplants, imagining what each would be thinking about its owner, while ascribing the plants with personality traits, down to astrological signs. Potentially more useful — and certainly less fanciful — is the small portion on each plant’s edibility. That said, I wouldn’t necessarily use this book as an authority, given that aloe vera is listed as being not edible despite the fact that it very much is.

The book covers 42 plants, divided roughly into three groups based on vibe: the popular crowd, the drama queens and the bitches. As with much of the rest of the book, this categorization feels particularly idiosyncratic to the authors. I am willing to accept that my knowledge of houseplants is very minimal tho, and that other readers might flip through this and go, “oh, absolutely!” I did try to keep some houseplants alive during and around the time of the pandemic lockdowns but have since given up, and greatly enjoy the little fake plant my best friend gave me instead. Hilariously, fake plants get the very first entry in this volume!

Each entry comes with a lovely illustration by Elizaveta Frolova, who is not credited by name but whose work was licensed from Shutterstock for this book. The selection she had available may have strongly influenced which plants were showcased in these pages, as the illustrations certainly provide a strong focal point for the collection. The layouts — presumably by AJ Hansen — also add to the clean elegance of the book’s overall design.

This is a cute little tome that would serve nicely as a conversation starter or a pleasant way to while a few minutes. Perhaps if I had a greener thumb, I’d feel more connected to what it’s saying otherwise.

Houseplants And Their F*cked-Up Thoughts by Carlyle Christoff & Elisabeth Saake was published March 7 2023 by The Collective Book Studio and is available from all good booksellers, including